Our Clock Runs Backwards
by IndigoXsoul
Summary: "That night at the library, when we were running and you were in that blasted screwdriver, I said, "Stay with me, one last run!" But you should know the Doctor lies. We've still of running to do, you and I, time and space. River Song, you watch us run!"
1. Darillium

**Disclaimer:** Doctor Who is owned by BBC, all the rights to the characters and plotlines go to them. I don't own it… otherwise River wouldn't be stuck in a computer. She'd be out shooting the Doctor's hats and helping him save the world.

1

**Darillium**

The sun was set, the stars were out, and there were tears in the Doctor's eyes as he followed River out of the TARDIS. A gentle humming of a thousand voices filled their ears, the air was thick with it. He quickly wiped away a tear that threatened to fall as River took his hand and led him to the top of the hill, that wonderful, wide, nose-crinkling grin on her face. Her eyes sparkled so much he thought it might kill him. When they reached the top of the hill, River folded her hands together, closed her eyes, and _listened_. The sound filling her ears was more beautiful than any she'd ever heard, her face was filled with pure joy and the Doctor couldn't bring himself to look. He only silently cried with stooped shoulders as he listened to her funeral song. They were at Darillium. This was their last night together. He'd better make it good.

River was so painfully unaware of that fact as she stood there in front of him. She looked at him with that wonderful River smile on her face, taking her hand in his and nipping shyly at his lips. She had meant it to be quick. He didn't want it to end. It might be his last. His arms wrapped around hers, never to let go, deepening the kiss in his frantic passion. His fingers interlaced with her hair, her wonderful, mad hair that he loved so much. Stroking her cheek, all the while never allowing her to pop up for air, he kept her lips captive as the towers sang in grief.

To River, it was a song of their passion. She was too elated and having far too much fun to hear anything else. She thought she should take a breath if she were to live to see another day, but he was so intent on not letting her mouth go that she couldn't bring herself to break the kiss. She felt his hands in her hair, those wonderful, beautiful hands that could be everywhere at once and then suddenly be so gentle and comforting. She wrapped her arms around his waist, drawing him closer still, hinting at what she wanted. But then she felt a warm splash on her cheek. She broke the kiss, curious and worried. Staring up into those soft brown eyes, her heart stopped. The Doctor, _her_ doctor, was crying. His eyes were misty and his face was etched with grief, and she had no idea why. One hand found his, and the other cupped his cheek as she searched his features, lessening the passion but only deepening the intimacy. His hand nearly squeezed hers off.

"Doctor, why are you crying, what's wrong?"

"River I-I…" He tensed with frustration and anger, the sadness deepening in his voice, "I love you, please just… just never forget that."

She squeezed his hand back, "'course I won't, Love."

He looked down, a sad laugh escaping from his lips. His eyes closed and a lone sob escaped him. Of course _she_ wouldn't… but he would. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, his chin resting in her shoulder, his face buried in that wonderful nest of hair. He held her so close he could hear their hearts and the sound of her breathing. He could smell her hair, she'd used that vanilla and rose shampoo again, the one that always drove him crazy. He put his forehead to hers, breathing her in, ingraining that scent in his mind.

"River?"

"Hmm?"

"Make love to me."

And they did, oh, they did. They made love like it was their last time, River because she knew someday she'd meet him and he'd have no idea who she was. The Doctor, because he knew that time had come. She whispered his name, his proper name, and he could only hold back tears in response. When the passion had faded and they were lying together on the grass, he planted sweet kisses on her forehead, his fingers tracing her body, committing every inch of her to memory. Once again, tears began to fall from his eyes, and River reached up with her thumb and wiped one away, not understanding the reason behind his sadness.

"Why would I ever think that you don't love me?" She asked him softly after a few seconds.

The Doctor smiled sadly, kissing her cheek gently. "Spoilers."

She huffed slightly, "I hate that word."

"You love that word."

"Shut up."

"Make me."

They both laughed a little, and River nestled deep into his arms. She looked up into his eyes, breaking out into a smile, "I love you."

Even as he smiled and whispered those words back, he was afraid she would hear his hearts break. "I love you too, River Song." River Song opened her mind to him there, safely locked in his arms. Her head leaned on his shoulder, and he kissed her hair, murmuring sweet nothings while the towers sang and he cried.

As the moon began its downward descent, River got up, redressed, and then helped the Doctor do the same. She sighed in the brisk night air, closing her eyes, taking in the song of the towers one last time. The Doctor let his eyes rest on her face, remembering every wrinkle, freckle, and eyelash. He took her chin so she would open her eyes… just so he could see them properly one last time. She smiled up at him in that unforgettable, heartbreakingly foxy way of hers, and he attempted to smile back.

Planting a quick peck on the cheek, she slipped on her time traveling device, and gave it a soft whack for good measure. It began to glow, and she grinned in satisfaction. The excitement in her face as she looked back up to him nearly killed him. "I'm going on a very, very important mission for a friend today, Doctor. We're going to see a library, one that's been silent for a hundred years. Exciting isn't it, Love?" She gave him one last kiss, and he longed so deeply to never let her go. She broke it and held out her wrist, her face bright and eager. "Sonic me?"

He could have said no, but that would have been ridiculous. Still, there was nothing he wanted to do less when he forced her a smile and turned on his screwdriver. When he was done, he said, "River, hold out your hand."

River obeyed, curious as to what he was meaning to do. In her open palm, he placed his sonic screwdriver. River looked up at him in surprise and wonder. He'd never let her so much as hold it, let alone give it to her! "Doctor… I-I can't!"

He put his hand on hers, closing her fingers around the screwdriver. "I want you to have it, just for now."

She broke out into a smile, placing the screwdriver in her coat pocket. "Thanks." She said very seriously, "I'll see you when I get back… I think. Honestly, someday this opposite time-stream business will be the death of me!"

As the Doctor watched her disappear before his eyes, he finally let himself cry freely. Little did River know how soon that someday would be. He turned back towards the TARDIS, never feeling more helpless and alone.

TBC…

**A/N:** Now I realize there've been a lot of Darillium fics written, but I hope you still found this enjoyable. I had to stop writing several times just because I had to go get tissues and let myself cry. *sigh* River, oh River… Anyway, reviews would be nice. Stay tuned, because the real plot is soon to come!


	2. Even the Doctor Cries

2

**Even the Doctor Cries Sometimes**

He slammed the TARDIS door with unusual force that night. The TARDIS hummed in sympathy to him. River was gone. He would never see her again. Never, ever...it was over for both of them. For once they were in exactly the right order, and yet for once he wished they weren't. Hot tears began to stream down his face as he felt the thrum of the TARDIS beneath him. She was sad too.

He got up and lovingly touched the controls, letting the hot, angry tears fall. "I'll miss her too, Sexy."

Her face had glowed, it had glowed with such excitement and happiness. He had watched it. This was a death his Time Lord-ness couldn't fix. This was the death of both his hearts, both of them at the same time, ripped out of his chest and stabbed and stomped on… and his friends weren't even there to comfort him.

Rory and Amy, what was he going to tell them? What could he tell them? His eyes flicked to the phone on the controls, and he quickly tore them off of it. He wasn't ready to call them. Yet, they needed to know. Somebody had to tell them, and the only one who could was him. He put his head down on the control panel, not minding what buttons he pushed. Why couldn't he be happy? Just once? What had he done that was so very bad that the Universe couldn't grant him happiness with just one person, she was his wife, damn it! Yes, he screwed her up. She was his bespoke psychopath after all, but did that mean that neither of them could ever be happy?

He sighed in resignation. She was dead. It was a fixed point in time. It couldn't be rewritten. At least she was alive inside the data core… but even as he told himself that, now that he knew River, it was no longer a satisfying answer. Yes, it had every single book that had ever been written. But this was River, his beloved River, the River Song who could walk out of Stormcage at the snap of her fingers. The River Song who couldn't resist getting into trouble, the River Song who would jump out of a building knowing he would be there to catch her. She wouldn't be content in that library, it wasn't fair… really… for him or for her.

He stood, wiping the tears from his eyes, squaring himself for the call. It had to be done. They needed to know. He picked up the phone and dialed the number. The seconds feeling like hours before Amy picked up.

"Hello, this is Amy."

"Amy…" He trailed off, how was he to go about this?

"Doctor? Is everything alright?"

"No, no… it's very not alright, Amy. I-" He couldn't say it. He just couldn't. If he said it, that would mean it was real. He didn't want it to be real…

"Go on, what's wrong?" Her voice sounded more concerned now. He needed to get this over with.

"It's River, Amy." He managed finally, a sigh escaping him.

Amy's voice steadily rose in worry, "What's wrong, is she okay? What's happened?"

"I-Amy… you see…she-" He stumbled over his words, mentally kicking himself. This shouldn't be this hard! "She's… dead."

There was a silence on the other line. "Dead?"

"As in not alive."

"I know what dead means, Doctor!" Amy snapped. He winced, this wasn't going well at all. But then again, why should it? There was a deafening silence again. He heard a sniffle, and his hearts broke for the umpteenth time.

"How?" Came the inevitable question.

_ Saving him._ "I-I she- dies… died…" He choked, forcing back tears, "saving hundreds of people from a very, very not good death. She was brave, Amy… she was so brave. She never stopped being River."

He heard another sniffle, "You were there?"

"It's complicated."

"You were or you weren't, which one was it?" Her voice was raising in anger.

"Amy. I. Please…I-I…"

"_Doctor!_" Her voice thundered across the phone, ringing in his ear. She was angry with him, because he hadn't done a thing to stop it.

"Yes." He admitted in defeat. "I was there, well, not me… a previous me… a me that didn't know River. I had no idea who she was, Amy." He paused, "To be fair… she handcuffed me so I wouldn't stop her from doing it." Amy was unbearably quiet for a full five minutes. "Amy. Please… say something."

"You knew." Her voice was dripping with hurt, mistrust. "You knew, all that time. You didn't once think to tell us! She's my little girl, she's _Rory's _little girl… you didn't think we _deserved _to know?" She halted suddenly, "Oh no… Rory…What am I going to tell Rory?"

"Amy, I'm sorry."

"So she's gone then, I'm never going to see her again…"

The Doctor paused, should he tell her? Or should he leave it be? He opted for the whole truth. "Amy, River isn't… I-… she,"Oh dear, how _did_ he explain this? "I uploaded her into a computer."

"_You what?"_ Her voice came out as a high-pitched squeak. Maybe he shouldn't have told her. "Why did you tell me she was dead?"

"She is… her body is… oh it's so very complicated, Amy. But trust me Amy, she's-she's happy. She's in a nice place, a very nice place. When she died, I was able to capture her in my sonic screwdriver… it's a long story… but I uploaded her into a big data core before the screwdriver lost her."

"So she's in cyber space… like an email, just waiting…"

"Well… yes… but-"

She cut him off, "How could you? River would _hate_ that!"

His voice came out quieter than he had intended. "I know, it was terribly selfish of me, wasn't it?"

"Doctor." Her voice became hard, she was very, very cross with him. "You promised me when River was born that you'd look after my daughter. I don't care how you do it, but if you _uploaded_ her you have to be able to _download _her. I want my daughter back."

The phone clicked. He hung it back up, leaning against the controls, taking a long breath. He rubbed the controls again, thinking. "That didn't go well, did it, Sexy? – No, of course not, I just told her that her daughter was dead. _Downloading_… what a ridiculous idea!"

Now that he had said out loud that River was dead, now that he felt the anger and the hurt from Amy, now that he had this incredible burden on his shoulders… he broke free in a new round of tears. It was bad enough with River gone. It was worse with Amy being angry with him for it. He couldn't blame her. Her feelings mirrored his own. He often wondered what would have happened to River had he taken her place. Watching her die had been the hardest thing he'd ever have to do… and it had nearly killed him inside.

He had lived for those innuendos, those 'Hello Sweetie's. They had reminded him that River was alive, that she was okay. Now, he'd never hear another one again. He'd never have the feeling of being frustrated every time she said "Spoilers", or get cross with her when she flirted. It was all gone now, and he wished he could have savored it more.

He did promise, though. He ran through Amy's words in his mind, thinking hard. Pacing, pacing, he began to work over any and every possible way he could save River. Yes, fixed points in time couldn't be rewritten… but just because it was his first didn't mean it had to be her last.

"Downloading…" He mused, "Downloading…" He stopped, mid-step. His fingers snapped, and a smile spread on his face, "Yes, downloading, what a wonderfully _ridiculous_ idea!" He ran to the console, flipping switches, laughing as the TARDIS sprang to life. "Amy Pond you are brilliant!" He flipped the flight-switch, his chest heaving with exhilaration. "Hold on River, Love, I'm coming."

**A/N:** So yes, he is going to try and save her :0) xxxxx Hope you enjoyed! I'd like to know what you think so far. Kudos to all my wonderful reviewers and people who've alerted this so far, It's really encouraging to find that people are liking this!


	3. Robots and Screwdrivers

3

**Robots and Screwdrivers**

Various baubles, doohickeys, bolts, and whatchamacallits were scattered around the TARDIS deck as the Doctor rummaged through his supplies. Where _was_ that bloody bulb? It had to be in there somewhere!

"Ah ha!" He pulled out a blueish tinted bulb from a box, polishing it with his fingers before setting it down next to a neat row of other supplies. Among them was an old, unfinished sonic screwdriver and one last neural-relay communicator he'd saved from the library. He worked as fast as he could, fitting the various pieces together and putting everything in place. It wasn't just that he needed a screwdriver, no, he needed _this_ screwdriver. He was making it for a very important purpose. Without it, his plan would be impossible. He gave his new baby a quick tightening up, turning it on to listen to the reassuring whir… just to be sure that it worked. The sound reached his ears, and a grin broke out on his face.

"Brilliant." He said softly to nobody in particular. He placed the new screwdriver in his inner coat pocket, then stood, running his hand through his hair quickly. The TARDIS had landed a few hours ago, and he wanted to make sure he was prepared. They were in post-World-War-II Germany. This was the day that Adolf Hitler would meet his match. He smiled as he thought that just a few years before he, River, Amy, and Rory had crashed Hitler's office. River had been so different back then, so unfinished, so in need of a hand to guide her. He had hurt for her then, she had been brainwashed, conditioned her entire life for the sole purpose of murdering him. He could only imagine what tactics Kovarian had used to bring that about. Shivering involuntarily at the thought, he opened the TARDIS door and stepped into that oh-so-familiar office.

He looked around, nobody was in. Yet. He was quite sure he'd gotten the right time, so he wasn't too worried about that. Sexy had actually cooperated during flight, so he was feeling quite satisfied. He walked around the office, finally settling in the Füher's chair. It was a nice black leather chair, and it was spinny. He loved spinny chairs! He spun in glee for a little bit, happy with his new prospects.

Amy's words had made him realize that River was still _there_, what she needed was a body. He was going to get one for her. Of course there was the complication of uploading and downloading and what not, but that only meant he needed a body that he could download her into. He knew just the thing.

The door slammed, and he looked up to see Hitler staring at him like he'd seen a ghost. The Doctor grinned, "Oh, hello! Sorry, I know I'm early, but I just love your chair! Where did you get it? Furniture Village? Oh wait…" He giggled, "That's in London isn't it?"

Hitler pointed a shaking finger at him, "You!"

The Doctor chuckled, "Me! Hitler! Yes! Isn't this fantastic? Why don't we sit down for a cup of tea? Oooh, oh yes, a cup of tea would be _wonderful_! Do you have tea?"

Hitler blinked. The Doctor laughed to himself. Here he was, sitting in Hitler's chair, confusing Hitler, oh this was just too much fun. He had almost forgotten why he was here in the first place!

"What are you doing here?" Hitler shouted, color rising in his face.

"Oh let me see, I'm waiting for your imminent destruction so I can get help to save my wife who is at this very moment uploaded into a computer."

"Nonsense!"

"Isn't it just… ooh! Clickie pens!" He picked up a pen and began clicking it furiously. River would have rolled her eyes at that. Oh, how he missed her! It just wasn't the same without somebody along who knew him well enough to know that half of his ADD was just him trying to put on a show.

Hitler glared at him, his face filled with consternation. "Who are you?"

The Doctor put down the pen and leaned forward, looking up at Hitler with a stupid grin on his face. "I'm the Doctor."

_Three…two…one…_

"Doctor Who?"

Oh this amused him way too much.

Just then, the door opened. The Doctor's face grew serious as he looked behind Hitler. This was it. Hitler would finally meet justice. "Right, Hitler. In the cupboard again!"

He grabbed the Füher by the sleeve and pushed him into the cupboard, locking it after him. There was a pounding on the door and Hitler actually screamed. There came a couple crashes and a great huff. "You'll pay for this!"

"Probably, sometime in the future," The Doctor replied bemusedly, "but not today."

The Doctor turned his attention to the figure that was quickly approaching him. He whipped out his new sonic, taking a reading. "Ah, excellent. The indestructable robot that's run by tiny people, I'm on time then, am I not?"

The Teselecta stopped, his voice came out monotone and flat, "Doctor, you must let us do this. Justice must be served!"

A smug smirk grew on the Doctor's face, "Oh you'll get your justice, eventually. But first you need to promise to do something for me."

"Name it."

The Doctor leaned against the doorway. Hitler had grown silent. He could obviously hear everything that was going on. "My wife is currently trapped inside a computer and I will never, ever forgive myself for her death. Her soul lives on, but it might as well be inside Stormcage. I did that to her, and I _will_ get her out, because I refuse to let her die in a space and time when I have no idea who she is, and can't be there to hold her hand, and to tell her everything will be okay, and that I love her!" He paused from his rant, reached into his coat pocket, and pulled out a DNA sample. It was small, but it should be all the Teselecta crew needed. "So, if you'll be so kind… " His voice was much more calm and collected now, "build me an unmanned Teselecta."

There came a silence as the crew of the Teselecta thought it over. Then, they spoke. "Fine."

The doctor unlocked the door to the cupboard, nodding to the Teselecta. He handed them the DNA, his voice soft. "River and I thank you. You know how to call me when you're done!"

With that, he opened the door to the TARDIS. Left the brakes on, and disappeared. He smiled to himself. A new sonic and a Teselecta all his own… why, this was better than Christmas!

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Woohoo! He gets to meet Hitler again! (I seriously had way too much fun with that scene!) I hope you enjoyed a slightly lighter part of this fic, hopefully it'll help you guys through this, stay with me!


	4. His Very Own

4

**His Very Own**

It was time. The Doctor had been called back. The TARDIS landed outside a building in northern London. It was 1841, and his custom Teselecta was ready. The London rain drizzled as it often did. He whooshed out a giant umbrella to shield himself from it, his face serious, hiding his excitement. Nearly skipping up the steps of the old hat shop, he ducked inside, nodding to the shopkeeper. "I'm the Doctor, is my friend in?" He asked quickly.

The shopkeeper looked puzzled for a few moments, and the Doctor's smile faltered, this _was_ the right place, right? His fears were allayed when the man's face suddenly changed to one of recognition, "Oh, yes! The Doctor! Halling is waiting for you in the next room."

He nodded his thanks and then walked past him. His fingers lingered on the doorknob, brushing it softly, trembling. It'd been months, and it'd felt like years since Darillium. Would he be able to handle this? He would be seeing River… well, a not-yet-River. He would be seeing her body. It would be cold, it would be lifeless. Could he be brave enough to handle that? He mentally whacked himself upside the head, wishing River was there to hit him out of it. He felt a familiar twinge of pain in his hearts as he thought of her. He steeled himself, he had to do this… for Rory and Amy. He wasn't even sure if his mad plan would work, it was dangerous, but he had to try. _For River_.

The Teselecta stood in the room, looking like some random guy the Doctor had never met. His hair was a deep shade of brown, it matched his eyes. Clothed in the garments of the era, his stance was protective in front of a couch. The Doctor caught a shock of curly, mad blonde hair behind the Teselecta, and his breathing hitched a little.

"It's finished, then?"

The Teselecta nodded slowly, "Two hearts, organic body, unmanned." He stepped aside to reveal the figure that lay curled on the couch. The Doctor's hearts stopped. _River_. Well, to be fair… not-yet-River. Walking over, he knelt by the couch. His fingers stroked her hair gently. Her body was unnaturally cold to the touch. At least her eyes were closed and he wouldn't have to look at them staring back at him. The Teselecta had gotten his River perfect to a T. Even down to every freckle, every scar, every eyelash. That was partially because of the DNA sample they'd used to make her, and partially because they'd read up on the Stormcage medical records. The only difference was the little cord that attached to the nape of her neck, the neural connector. With it, he'd upload River's consciousness into the Teselecta brain core. It wasn't without its risks… there was no telling whether or not she would actually wake up or go brain-dead. He could be saving her. He could also be killing her.

"She's perfect." The Doctor murmured, one hand in the not-yet-River's hair and the other slipped into her limp, cold hand. It was morbidly disturbing, seeing her like this… but it would be worth it if his plan succeeded.

"The neural connector can be removed after uploading. You need to hurry. Without Dr. Song's consciousness inside, the body will die."

The Doctor nodded. "I'd best get a move on, then, hmm?"

He said his thanks to the Teselecta and then picked up not-yet-River, cradling her in his arms as he walked out. The shopkeeper was more than surprised to say the least, but the madman with the box paid him no heed. His sole attention was on getting River into her new body safely. He opened the door to the TARDIS, having to turn sideways to fit through with this new weight. He wasn't complaining though. He simply tried not to think about how lifeless she was. While he had been gone, The TARDIS had made a new bed for the arrival, placing it in the control room so the Doctor could keep an eye on her.

"Thanks, old girl." He said softly as he laid not-yet-River down with the upmost care. His fingers lingered on her face for a few moments, praying that this mad, impossible plan would work. The Doctor turned to the controls and before flipping them, he whispered, "_I don't care about what happens to me, I just want River to be happy… please, let her be happy, I won't be able to live with myself if she isn't_."

He had always been haunted by that face, that horrible, pained look on her face when she realized he had no idea who she was. It was there in his nightmares, taunting him, screaming him that she had died heartbroken. He needed to make one last desperate attempt to make sure that wasn't the case. River deserved that much.

He flipped the switch to begin the flight, smiling as he did so. River would have scolded him for leaving the breaks on. How he missed her incessant banter! He looked back at the not-yet-River, reaching inside his coat to give his screwdriver a squeeze. If it killed him, he would do everything in his power to make sure he heard that banter again. Darillium had been the hardest thing he'd ever had to go through, not even losing Rose or Donna or Sarah Jane had been that hard… he hadn't loved them quite like he loved his River. River was special. She waltzed into his life and had stolen his breath away, she wasn't impressed by him, she treated him like any other person… she loved him the way only she could, with her guns and her death-threats, her banter and her spoilers and her flirting, and especially, oh-so-especially with how she allowed him to love her back, to let him in, even though it went against all she was trained to do. River trusted him. She trusted him enough to jump off a building knowing he would be there to catch her. As the TARDIS landed, the Doctor bent over the not-yet-River, and even though he knew River wasn't in there, he whispered softly, "I'll always be there to catch you, love, I promise."

With that in mind, his arms wrapped around her form, scooping her up; he wasn't sure how exactly he'd manage the Library with her in his arms… but he would manage, somehow. He wasn't sure how many shadows had swarmed by now, but even if he got eaten alive, it'd be better than sitting in the TARDIS for the rest of his life running from the fact that he'd seen his wife die in front of him and he hadn't done a thing to fix it. He held her closer and then flung open the TARDIS door. "Right, River…" He said softly, "Are you ready to run?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Excited? Because I am! I honestly cannot wait for the next few chapters… I know what's going to happen! Stay tuned! And a friendly reminder to click that review button while you're at it…


	5. The Library

5

**The Library**

The first step was the hardest. The Library wasn't yet dark… but he knew as he ran frantically through that it wasn't safe either. He clutched not-yet-River to his chest, running through the halls that were filled with so much memory. So many firsts… and so many lasts. He became aware of the lights darkening behind him, and he quickened his pace. Memory was threatening to take him over, to override reality. He couldn't help but flash back to that last day, to River's last run. He still remembered how his coattails had streamed out behind him, his converse padding on the floor with urgency. He had taken a shortcut. He had taken the only route that meant her life. His hearts had pounded in his chest, much like they did now. It was taxing on him, carrying not-yet-River's weight in his arms, but it was a price he was willing to pay. Focus, focus! Get to the core! The Shadows were closing in every side. He'd always have shadow chasing him wherever he went. River had once told him that Kovarian had taught her to believe he was the cause of all pain. River had refused to believe that. But sometimes, just sometimes… when the shadows threatened to overtake him, the Doctor thought that that might not be far from the truth.

But self-doubt was not what he needed right now, it wasn't what _River_ needed. The sun was setting, the shadows were forming, and he still had a long way to go. He sped down the halls, stopping at the lift like he had that first time. He smiled, "Sorry River, shortcut."

With one look behind him, the shadow hot on his heels, he gripped not-yet-River tightly and dove.

The fall seemed to go on forever. It was the eye of the storm, it was quiet… and yet so loud. The wind rushing past his ears he saw the shadow stop at the edge of the lift. It seemed unsure of what to do. Every second, the River in his arms seemed to grow colder. His heart rate was speeding out of control, she couldn't die on him! Not again, not today!

With an 'umph' he hit the ground, shielding not-yet-River from the force of the fall with his body. He wasn't prepared for the wave of nausea that hit him, the shock of all those horrible, devastating memories flooding back as he looked around the room, the core of the computer… her tomb.

_As he had regained consciousness, he heard the siren: "Auto-destruct in two minutes." Goodness that woman could pack a punch! He looked up, and his heart stopped, River was plugging herself into the computer_

How long he stood there, standing at that horrible, awful set of wires and controls, he didn't know. A tear slipped down his face, that bloody woman… that bloody _fantastic_ woman!

_"No, no no! That's my job!" He had exclaimed._

_"And I suppose I don't get to have a career then." She had replied teasingly back. Little had he known just how River-like that answer was. He had only gotten angry with her, thinking she didn't realize the sacrifice she was making. He had reached out to free himself, but she had handcuffed him._

_"Why am I handcuffed… why do you even have handcuffs anyway?" He had exclaimed._

The Doctor shuddered with the effort of taking a breath. She had said it… that awful, wonderful, terrible word he'd grown to both love and hate.

_"Spoilers"_

He whispered it out loud to himself, stumbling over it as he set not-yet-River down gently. He ran his hand over the patch of computer she had once handcuffed him to, wishing the memories away… but they wouldn't go. He'd been prepared to walk into the library, but he hadn't been prepared for the way the memories would torment him.

_"This is not a joke, stop this now! This is going to kill you!" He had shouted. River had ignored him, and his blood was beginning to stir. He couldn't stand here, he was the Doctor! He couldn't watch her die like this! "I have a chance, you wouldn't have any-!"_

_River cut him off, tears of anger and a deep, deep sadness in her eyes, "You don't have a chance and neither do I!" _

_He had stared at her in utter disbelief, fear beginning to settle in his mind. He couldn't do this… he couldn't! River had went right back to connecting cords. "I'm timing it for the end of the countdown." Her voice was so unbearably calm and collected, "there'll be a blip in the command code, that way it should improve our chances of a clean download."_

_His eyes had widened, his face becoming even more earnest in another attempt to stop her. "River. Please… no!"_

The Doctor's breathing became ragged as he held back tears, this was getting to be too much. He wanted to run, to run away from all of this, to run away from all the hurt and the pain that was threatening to crush him. Her next response he had never really understood, but looking back on it… it was that response that devastated him the most.

_"Funny thing is," She began, tears growing in her eyes, "This means you always knew how I was going to die. All that time we were together, you knew I was coming here. The last time I saw you, the real you – the future you, I mean." She had struggled to articulate her meaning, "You turned up on my doorstep, in a new haircut and a suit, you took me to Darillium, to see the singing towers." The sigh she gave sent chills up his spine, "Oh, what a night that was! The Towers sang, and you cried –"_

Oh! That killed him! He sank to the ground, cradling not-yet-River's head in his arms, stroking her hair gently. He couldn't bear this… He couldn't do this… he didn't think he could even for River. Darillium was still too fresh –

_"You wouldn't tell me why. But I suppose you knew it was time, my time, time to come to the Library. You even gave me your screwdriver, that should've been a clue!"_

_He had reached down frantically for the screwdriver. The auto-destruct was counting down. He was helpless… he couldn't stop her._

_She had whispered to him, gently, oh so tenderly, as if offering comfort, the tone of her voice reassuring him of her love for him, "There's nothing you can do." It was breathless, pained… almost an apology._

_In one last desperate attempt, he had shouted, "Let me do this!"_

He held his not-yet-River closer, thinking of those words that she had said next, words that had been burned into his mind.

_"If you die here, it'll mean I'll have never met you!"_

She had loved him so much, so much that she would die to save his life. She'd rather die than let him die and have a normal, regular life without him. "River…" He whimpered softly, tears beginning to fall down his face. "I love you… I always have…"

_"Time can be rewritten!"_

_"Not those times! Not one line, don't you dare!"_

_Tears threatened to spill past his eyes as he stared at this wonderful, wibbly-wobbly, topsy-turvy, incredible woman. Even though she was going to die, she still tried to reassure him, thinking only of him, not one thought for her own life. "It's okay," She had whispered softly, "It's okay, it's not over for you. You'll see me again," Her breathing was labored with the weight of what she was about to do, rogue tears spilling past her barriers as she still, even then, tried to be strong for him. "You still have all of that to come. You and me, time and space… you watch us run!"_

The Doctor was beginning to collapse into a heap as he held his not-yet-River, this lone, private moment with her in his mind completely overcoming him. She was always so strong, always for him, completely and utterly. She was so practical, so selfless… and she knew him better than anyone else in the Universe.

_"River, you know my name!" He gasped out, "You whispered my name in your ear." There was silence, only the sound of the destruct beacon calling out the countdown as she slipped the final piece of her death sentence on her head. "There's only one reason I would ever tell anyone that – there's only one time I ever could!"_

He rocked his not-yet-River in his arms, tears spilling past his eyes, not wanting to remember what had come next… and yet… those three words were ingrained in his mind, never to let him go. They would always be there to torment him.

_"Hush now… Spoilers."_

He pulled out his new sonic screwdriver, still cradling not-yet-River's head in his lap, he planted a kiss on her forehead… this could be truly the end for them. He knew this might kill her. He could lose her a second time. Was he willing to take that risk?

_River had been. _

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><p><strong>AN: **So this chapter was supposed to be much more epicy-actiony than this… but as I got into it, I really felt the need to write it as it is. I did bring myself to tears again several times while writing it. I hope it wasn't too boring for anyone, what with basically following an episode word for word… again, I'm not laying claim to any of the actual lines written here, I'm just playing with them. I hoped you all liked it. I'll tune back in soon, reviews/comments/suggestions would be great. Like/Hate? Tell me!


	6. You Watch Us Run

6

**You Watch Us Run**

He stood, turning on the computer, his fingers ever so slowly pulling River's data file up on the screen. He stared at his screwdriver, his nervous fingertips running over it. This was it, the moment he'd been working toward since Darillium. He looked from his not-yet-River, to the computer, to the screwdriver, and back again. His eyes closed, and he brought up that image of her, the one he'd so carefully locked away in his mind, the one he had from Darillium. He could see River in all her perfection, with her gorgeous laugh, her crinkly-nose-grin, and her mad hair, staring up with him with love-filled blue eyes, completely trusting, completely his. He inhaled deeply, preparing himself, remembering that rose and vanilla shampoo, the feel of her soft kiss, her hand slipped in his. No matter what happened here, that was how he wanted to remember her. Even if she…even if…

_Even if this didn't work_. He looked back at the not-yet-River, looking so peaceful on the floor. He longed for her to open her eyes…to say "Hello Sweetie." Tears spilled down his cheeks as he longed to hear her voice… just one more time.

"I'd better make sure this works then, hmm?" He mumbled to himself.

Slowly, but surely, he pressed the sonic into the computer drive, watching as the electricity sped up and down the instrument, capturing everything River Song was and had been inside. The communicator had full bars.

He rushed toward not-yet-River. Kneeling on floor, he unlatched the end of the screwdriver and jammed the neural connector into it. The electricity visibly traveled from the screwdriver to not-yet-River's brain. The Data Ghost was gone… he could only hope that was a good sign. He didn't see the shadow moving toward them.

"C'mon River… wave up, Love… please…" He leaned over her, stroking her hair, willing her to open her eyes. She was still cold. He pressed his ear close to his chest and felt no reassuring beat of twin hearts… then, he caught the shadow out of the corner of his eye. "No, no, no! Not today!" He stood, picking up River in his arms, "C'mon, River! Let's run!"

Run he did. He flew through the library, the shadows closing in on the Time Lord on every side. The TARDIS was in sight… just a little farther.

He got in, slamming the door shut and locking it with his sonic. He laid River down on the couch and rushed to the controls, hearing the familiar grinding of the TARDIS engines as they took off.

"River, no… you can't do this to me, c'mon River!" He bent over her frantically, interlacing his fingers and pumping down on her chest. "C'mon River! You can do this! Please!" Pumping first one heart and then the other, he could hardly think. His lips frantically met hers, breathing into her lungs, praying it would be enough. "Please, River, please…" He kept crying that out with ever press, every breath he had in his body. He needed her to live. He needed her.

It was a full five minutes before he realized they had landed… a full fifteen before he realized that his ministrations and pleas were doing absolutely no good. He refused to give up. He kept going, even while his rational mind told him she was gone. He refused to believe that. He just kept whispering her name over and over, willing her the take a breath, willing her to open her eyes.

_He was back in the library, trying to figure out what was wrong with his screwdriver. River had walked up to him, taking off her space-suit gloves. "What's wrong with it?" _

_"The signal, something's interfering with it." He had said in puzzlement._

_"Use the red settings."_

_"It doesn't have red settings!"_

_"Then use the dampers."_

_"It doesn't have dampers!"_

_She had pulled out her version of his sonic, "It will one day."_

_He stood, taking the screwdriver from her hand and looking at it in puzzlement, "So, sometime in the future I just… give you my screwdriver."_

_She nodded, "Yeah."_

_"Why would I do that?"_

_She had smiled in bemusement… almost in understanding, "I didn't pluck it from a cold dead hand, if that's what you're worried about." _

_The Doctor had looked at her in utter disbelief, "And I'd know that because?"_

That day, a few minutes after their little squabble… she'd told him his name. She'd whispered it in his ear. River loved him. She had fought for him. She'd fought _herself_ for him, her upbringing, her demons, everything. She cared about him that much. He didn't deserve her, but he _needed_ her. She was one of the most important people in his life and damn it for taking her _death_ to make him realize that!

Finally, his rational side overtook his emotional one. He stopped, realizing it was no use. River was dead. It was over, their story was ended. Time had finally caught up with them, the Time-Lord and his wife, and he wasn't sure he was going to be able to deal with it.

He sat back against the wall, facing River… _his_ River, in the flesh as of now. Had he done the right thing? He probably would never know. He reached forward, lacing his fingers through that wonderful hair of hers like he had on their last night together, the other taking her delicate hand in his large, clumsy one, squeezing it tightly. This was it, the second and final death of River Song… and yet he couldn't bring himself to accept that he'd failed. It just wasn't right, somehow, everything was all timey-wimey, topsy-turvy, out-of-place. He smiled to himself through tears… River had a way of doing that.

He kissed her forehead, a hot, salty tear landing on her cheek, his hearts refusing to accept her fate. In spite of himself, even in the knowledge that she couldn't hear him anymore… he spoke. "Right before you died…I said to you, that night at the library, when we were running and you were in that blasted screwdriver, 'Stay with me, one last run!'" He paused, choking back a sob, a pained half-smile, half grimace spread across his face as he stared into her own, peaceful one, "But River, you of all people should know… the Doctor lies." He stroked her cheek, pressing his forehead to hers, breathing in, breathing out. Deep breaths… trying very hard not to cry. He needed her… he needed her so very, very much. She couldn't die now, not today. "We've still got a lot of running, you and I, time and space…" He paused, closing his eyes. Sliding one hand under the nape of her neck, he placed the other on her waist as he pressed his forehead further into hers. He whispered, "River Song, you watch us run!"

Unwilling tears fell from him to her, sliding down his face as he held her close, unable to let her go. He had tried to be brave, and yet… somehow he couldn't quite manage it as well as she could. He couldn't let her die, he couldn't give her up. He refused to. Yet… she was gone anyway.

"Hello, Sweetie."

He thought he'd gone properly mad when her arms wrapped around his body, he daren't open his eyes… he was hallucinating, he was sure… it was the grief, the shock of her death. He was mad… he was really, really, completely and totally mad! River was dead! This was just a hallucination… something…There came a sweet, mischievous giggle from under him, "You know, if you wanted to be on top, all you had to do was ask."

He started, realizing he hadn't moved. That was most definitely, assuredly _River. _He opened his eyes and was met with the brightest blue. His eyes opened wider in shock. She smiled. "You horrible, wonderful, impossible man… you just can't let me go, can you?"

He sat up, moving his hand to her hair, not believing his eyes. All he could manage was a pathetic, "River? I-I… uh..you were, you were..y- you.. ah…_what_?"

She laughed again, her face bright and foxy as ever, looking coyly at him, "Yes, it's me. You did it… my madman in a box. I always knew you'd find a way." She cupped his cheek gently.

The Doctor's arms wrapped around her, he needed to feel her… he still wasn't sure if this could be true. She answered his inner doubts with a kiss.

He sat back, looking at her in shock and exhilaration and absolute confusion. His hands were all over her, trying to contemplate how she could possibly be _alive_. "Two eyes, yes… hair… two arms, two legs…lips…"

She laughed, shaking her head, fondly straightening his mussed bow-tie,"I'm all here, Love."

Finally, he couldn't hold back any longer, he exclaimed, "_How?_"

"What do you mean, how? _You_ saved me!"

"No-I…" He paused, "I failed… I couldn't revive you… you were dead!"

She giggled mischievously, her nose wrinkling in mirth. "Funny thing, I can stop my hearts in this body."

He could have smacked her, "River… you… you…" He made a sound of frustration, "Augh! I _hate _you!"

River laughed outright, kissing him gently, "No you don't."

He shook his head, pulling her close, "You impossible woman, what am I going to do with you?" She was still very much so his impish, amazing, timey-wimey River. He swore from now on he was never, ever going to let her out of his sight. Oh, she'd wander off, restraining River was like trying to hold back the tide. But that didn't mean he wouldn't follow her to the ends of the earth. His arms encircled her, stroking one thumb over her back, the fingers of his other hand twisting spirals in her curls. Then, a thought suddenly occurred to him, his eyes opening wide. "River… you know what?"

"Hmm?" She had her head leaned safely on his chest, making up for the lost time by simply enjoying his touch.

"It's our wedding anniversary."

She laughed into his shoulder, "So it is. You know what else, Doctor?"

"What?"

She looked up at him, a smile playing on her lips, "We're in exactly the right order now."

He smiled down at her, "Why, yes… I suppose we are."

She leaned into his arms, satisfied that she was finally, at last safe with her Doctor. She didn't care how much it had cost her… because in the end, that cost amounted to nothing. "So, I heard we have lots of running to do… You and I in the TARDIS… next stop, _everywhere._"

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><p><em>"When you run with the Doctor, it feels like it'll never end. But however hard you try you can't run forever. Everybody knows that everybody dies, and nobody knows it like the Doctor. But I do think that all the skies of all the worlds might just turn dark if he ever, for one moment, accepts it. Everybody knows that everybody dies... But not every day. Not today. Some days are special. Some days are so, so blessed. Some days, nobody dies at all. Now and then, every once in a very long while, every day in a million days, when the wind stands fair, and the Doctor comes to call... everybody lives." – River Song, The Forest of the Dead<em>

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><p><em><strong>Fin.<strong>_


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